category: reflections. hmm.


Sorry I always seem like I don't care anymore, I do. My mind's been caught up in...nothing actually, I just seem to be daydreaming alot recently, my replies are normally short (not sweet).


I know what I want to say deep down inside of me, but the words that come out of my mouth makes it seem otherwise. I'm not talking about any deep stuff here, just simple questions that randomly pop by...not being able to answer properly when you know you can seriously puts you off for the rest of the day. Knowing that its your own fault that you hadn't thought properly makes it worse.


Recently, the stuff I say have become pretty shallow, too. Sometimes, I feel pretentious, fake and whatnot, at other times I just feel so devoid of emotions, I'll let anything around me affect how I feel. There are also times when I feel so stupid, because I used to be able to say things with at least a little depth. Now, all you can do is wade in my little paddling pool.


I can think of something, but what comes out of me are usually a stream of "emo" words or bubbles of laughter, be it real or not so real. I feel like I have a mask around me on some days, but the next moment I'll feel so transparent. But I don't let people see through me anymore.

The things I write makes it seem as though you're able to look at everything inside. Gross, then don't look. The emo-ing comes to naught, I know that, but not for me. Or maybe not. Its pointless blabbering and I know it much too well. I feel as though nothing ain't going right for me, but I'm the one who affects everything.


Reading through all the letters and photos and sifting through the presents, scouring my mind for the wonderful memories...there's just too many of them, so why had I even blamed anybody for making my life look less miserable? Its nobody but myself. I want something from another, but yet I do just the opposite. What I do sometimes really make me cringe in disgust, really.

Fragments of the wonderful times serve as my wake up call. I was stupid, I am stupid, but I won't be stupid anymore.



The words "thankyou" and "sorry" usually flow out of me like coins from the jackpot. Too many of everything ain't too good. So here's none.


Please forget any of those words I've typed or said, and please let me start afresh.

Like..the past? Yes, and let those textbooks be that portal for time travel.


Innit cool ;D